setting the record straight

this is not the fat ugly white dog. this is the boss. they call me bubbles because they're stupid and don't know how to pronounce my true name. im not very good at typing but i wont apologize. im 75 in people age. it's a wonder i can see the damn screen.

anyway, i just wanted to clarify something the young upstart said. she accused me of latching on to her fat flabby cheek and biting till the blood did flow, and not letting go even when we were pulled up into the air. ok. that's true. but she started it. she always starts it. i try to talk to her for a minute, pull her out of that stupor she spends her days in, and she jumps on me. she always jumps on me, but i always kick her butt. i make her pay for her insolence.

she thinks shes so smart. "im on the internet! i have a blog!" she even tries to pee over my marks. but she doesn't know her back end from her front, so she always misses by about 2 feet. stupid. she barely even knows how to lift her leg like a real dog should. can't lift it at all when she poops (although thats really my special talent - cant expect just any old dog to do that)

if she keeps on messing with me and slandering me on this blog im going to post some very embarrassing videos of her on this youtube thing. i have seen her try to play with a vacuum cleaner, i have seen her chewing on rocks, and i have seen her suck beer out of a bottle. i could get her in a lot of trouble...

YouTube From Under the Rug

It's cold on the sofa without my cushion and the ornery old pug keeps attacking me. That bitch! I can say that because we are both are, you know, female dogs. Don't call the profanity police on me. Don't make me wear the scarlet letter P. They did that on Colonial House. I was listening from under the blanket the last 2 days when my cushion had her Colonial House marathon. Sounded like I would've hated olden times. No cushions, no sofas, and I bet they wouldn't have made me a nice flannel quilt to sleep under like my cushion did.

This picture shows me and the old one under our "rug" today. It used to be all mine, but now if I don't share I get my butt kicked. She doesn't look so mean, and they call her that cute name "Bubbles", but the other day she bit my cheek and wouldn't let go, even after the tall one picked me up to break up the fight. And she attacked me again while my cushion nursemaid was cleaning the blood off my fur. Like I said before...

So I heard that YouTube is really cool. The tall one comes home all the time with stuff he was told about at "work". I don't know. I went on there and I found a skateboarding bulldog that got on Oprah and a pug that says "I love you" to Montel (big deal, I bet he doesn't write a blog; got nothing to say but "I love you"). I guess anyone can put their videos on there for all the world to see. I did quite like that catchy little song with the treadmill dance. But really, don't people have better, more important things to do? I seem to recall that in several dystopic novels the misuse of mindless media was how freedoms were lost.

You know what? I shouldn't pretend to be something I'm not. I'm just a simple pug with a few basic needs, many desires, and a little bit of an interest in politics. I'm not technology minded. I just want to become an enlightened being and do good in the world, without leaving the comfort and security of a warm soft lap.



If you want to check out my recent favs, including a couple of YouTube videos, you can go to my delicious page anytime (I can't be bothered learning about embedding videos right now! I need some sleep)